Spirituality

(Originally Posted on August 4, 2010)

Usually I would look past ignorance such as this but I believe this was worth posting here in the “Upper Situation Room” because while America touts freedom of religion and tolerance, Muslims continue to face daily attacks. You can’t argue with that.

Well, here is the latest anti-Islamic foolishness.

I was skimming through CNN.com and came across a very interesting headline: “Church plans Quran-burning event”.

The CNN article reads:

In protest of what it calls a religion “of the devil,” a nondenominational church in Gainesville, Florida, plans to host an “International Burn a Quran Day” on the ninth anniversary of the September 11, 2001, attacks.

The Dove World Outreach Center says it is hosting the event to remember 9/11 victims and take a stand against Islam. With promotions on its website and Facebook page, it invites Christians to burn the Muslim holy book at the church from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.

“We believe that Islam is of the devil, that it’s causing billions of people to go to hell, it is a deceptive religion, it is a violent religion and that is proven many, many times,” Pastor Terry Jones told CNN’s Rick Sanchez earlier this week.

Jones wrote a book titled “Islam is of the Devil,” and the church sells coffee mugs and shirts featuring the phrase.

Muslims and many other Christians — including some evangelicals — are fighting the initiative.

The church launched a YouTube channel to disseminate its messages.

“I mean ask yourself, have you ever really seen a really happy Muslim? As they’re on the way to Mecca? As they gather together in the mosque on the floor? Does it look like a real religion of joy?” Jones asks in one of his YouTube posts.

“No, to me it looks like a religion of the devil.”

Wow. This is the best way to remember 9/11 victims? Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t people of all faiths die in 9/11?

Also, I don’t know what mosques he is talking about because I know thousands of happy Muslims. Matter of fact, I am one! Islam is a beautiful way of life and I am a witness that it is a religion rooted in peace not violence. And it is definitely not of the devil. Mr. Jones you’re only fooling yourself to think that by burning the Holy Quran you’re minimizing its value. That’s impossible to do! All opposition to truth will fail. There’s over 1.5 billion Muslims around the world and is growing. You will not be able to stop people from accepting this beautiful religion.

I have many Christian friends who have taken the time to read the Holy Quran for themselves and they even bear witness that it is a beautiful book filled with some of the most beautiful prayers and divine guidance. My friends have also extracted principles from this book and they believe all of humanity can benefit from it. One of them was even surprised to see that Surah (Chapter) 19 is actually named after the mother of Jesus. But you want to burn it? What would Jesus do? Would Jesus burn the Quran?

Another part of this same CNN article reads:

The Islamic advocacy group Council on American-Islamic Relations called on Muslims and others to host “Share the Quran” dinners to educate the public during the monthlong fast of Ramadan beginning in August. In a news release, the group announced a campaign to give out 100,000 copies of the Quran to local, state and national leaders.

“American Muslims and other people of conscience should support positive educational efforts to prevent the spread of Islamophobia,” said CAIR spokesman Ibrahim Hooper in the release.

The National Association of Evangelicals, the nation’s largest umbrella evangelical group, issued a statement urging the church to cancel the event, warning it could cause worldwide tension between the two religions.

“The NAE calls on its members to cultivate relationships of trust and respect with our neighbors of other faiths. God created human beings in his image, and therefore all should be treated with dignity and respect,” it said in the statement.

I would never burn the Bible and mine is actually on the same bookshelf as my Holy Quran. I study both daily. Mr. Jones said in the video below that he would not like it if Muslims burned the Bible yet he feels its okay to light a match to our sacred book. America the beautiful, huh?

I am eager to know your thoughts: Do you support the “International Burn a Quran Day”? Or do you oppose it?

(Originally Posted on August 15, 2010)

Every time Ramadan comes around a few Believers and I discuss ways to “bottle up” this spirit we feel over these 30 days and carry it over into the other 11 months on the calendar.

To someone who is observing Ramadan for the first time, it’s easy to get caught up on not eating and drinking. Your stomach seems to be growling every second and your mouth is as dry as the Arabian Desert.

Believe me, I know the feeling.

My first Ramadan was in ’97 when I was a freshman at Prairie View A&M University. I was so focused on not being able to eat or drink that I would sleep in between classes to “pass the time” and got behind on my Qur’anic readings on the second day because Surah 2 seemed so long. I told myself I would catch up. I did not.

I even started nibbling on peppermints because I figured that wasn’t actually food. As you can see, I was all messed up. I was thankful to my older brother, who is a Muslim also, for guiding me and encouraging me to finish it stronger than when I started.

By the Grace of Allah (God) I did.

Since then I have come to realize that Ramadan is so much bigger than the absence of food and drink throughout the day. It’s about deep reflection and channeling that same sense of joy, unity, love, high spirituality, compassion and self-discipline towards the rest of the year.

During Ramadan we put a halt to many things such as cursing, arguing, lying, gossiping, complaining and even step away from personal addictions such as TV, the Internet, sugar or video games. Even the grumpiest of us become all of a sudden pleasant. Many clear the dust off of their Qur’ans that was placed at the highest point in their homes to start reading it. We take the time to pray more than ever. The list goes on.

What’s halting us from doing this every day? Is it possible to experience Ramadan every month?

Absolutely!

When I converted to Islam, I was taught that it is not a religion but it is actually a way of life. Therefore, like all religions, we have rituals but those rituals are seeded with meanings that guide us towards a higher reflection of that which we say we believe in.

Thus the same laser focus we put into these 30 days can be done year round. I love taking this time to reflect on how I need to be more dutiful to Allah (God) and His Cause. I love reading the beautiful words of the Qur’an and hearing the recitation. I love waking up to join Muslims every morning on the Tsunami Prayer Line. I love breaking fast with family, fellow Believers and friends at my home and theirs. I smile brightly every time I get a text message from my Christian friends and family who had just completed one of the days of fasting with us. We’re all in a spirit of love!

I reflect on how much better I can serve my family and community. My fervent prayer is that I can “bottle up” this Ramadan and develop into a better Muslim.

If I can’t be this same “Brother Jesse” beyond this holy month and become a stronger Muslim because of it, then what is my motive?

Self-improvement is the key, so as the late musical legend Michael Jackson said, “I’m looking at the man in mirror.” I am in love with the possibilities of being a better me.

I know you are too.

PS: I haven’t had a “peppermint fast” since ’97.(smile)

(You’re welcome to follow Brother Jesse Muhammad further on Twitter, become a friend on Facebook)

(Originally Posted on July 12, 2010)

I went to the door and I honestly didn’t know what to expect.

All I knew was that this could have been a moment that would change my life forever or send me back to the drawing board.

When I last blogged about this, I told you I had obtained an address that had the names of my two uncles, Larry and Curly, listed as the owners.

On the afternoon of July 4, my family and I drove out to that address. It ended up being located in a nice neighborhood in Katy, Texas.

We pulled into the driveway. They stayed in the car with the engine running just in case it was the wrong house and we had to make a run for it. Just kidding. (smile)

I said a prayer and armed myself with my manila folder that obtained my father’s death certificate, photos of him and my mother, a picture of my grandmother, and all of the research I had done up to that point. I came prepared.

I rang the doorbell with nervousness.

A tall dark Black man came to the door wearing a red shirt and eye glasses.

He said “How may I help you?”

I said “Yes, I am looking for Larry or Curly McCray.”

He said “I’m Larry.”

Reaching to shake his hand I said “How are you doing?”

He hesitated to shake my hand but did while asking again “How may I help you?”

I then uttered the words…..sigh….wow I am getting teary-eyed just remembering this moment.

I said “My name is Jesse and I am Joe McCray’s son.”

Then…..a big smile came across his face…..he said real loud “You sho’ is! You look just like your daddy! C’mon in man!”

My smile stretched beyond ear to ear. I couldn’t believe it. It was the correct address! I found my father’s family! I said to myself “Allah u Akbar!” I went to the car to get my family and my wife knew by my smile that it must have been good news.

We went inside and he gave me a big hug and he said “Man, we was wondering what happened to you. I haven’t seen you since you were 8 or 9 years old. How did you find us?”

I started from the beginning of this entire search going back to September. He was in awe of it all. Then he went and pulled out old pictures of my father from his younger days including a high school graduation picture. (shown below). Uncle Larry gave them to me as a gift.

He told me about my Uncle Curly, who has been stationed in Iraq for the last five years working for a corporation that handles the laundry for the U.S. military. Uncle Larry is a veteran truck driver. For the first time I found out I had two aunts as well. One is deceased and the other one, Aunt Marilyn, is retired in Galveston….I talked to her on the phone. She was so happy to hear from me and is looking forward to seeing me in person soon.

Between all of them I have about eleven first cousins living in parts of Texas and Louisiana. I will get to meet them all too.

Uncle Larry then started sharing with us how exactly my father ended up being shot and killed. This was the tough part to digest. He said my father and another guy was fighting in a club in 3rd Ward in Houston. My dad was getting the best of the guy in the brawl. They ended up taking it outside and the guy went to his car, got a gun and shot my father. My father reportedly staggered back into the club just before the killer came back and shot him again point blank.

Sigh….I was visually imagining the entire thing. I thought to myself “Somebody shot my daddy.”

Uncle Larry went further into how my father got wrapped up in the street life of hustling. He described how they were saddened and shock that my father even went that route, especially since he wasn’t the type. My father’s funeral, held at McCoy & Harrison Funeral Home, was packed with “pimps, prostitutes and hustlers” according to Uncle Larry.

“Your father was deep in the streets and had major influence,” said Uncle Larry.

He even said it was at the funeral that all of these street hustlers found out for the first time that my father even had family because he kept his family separate from the life he lived in the streets. There is more but I will save that for future blogs. He pulled out a picture book and showed me a photo of my deceased grandfather, Joe McCray Sr. I have his features as well. That nose. I came to the house thinking my grandfather might still be alive, but he’s not. I look forward to learning more about him and my grandmother.

In between telling us these stories, my uncle kept saying “Boy, looking at you is like seeing Joe again. You look so much like him….I just can’t believe you found us.”

I could only grin like a five year old who just received a Nintendo 64 for Christmas. Throughout all of this I wanted to just shed tears because I have heard stories from people during my search who have been trying to find their parents for years without success. And here I was sitting in the living room with one of my father’s brothers face to face after ten months of searching. God is great.

Uncle Larry and I exchanged contact numbers and we’re planning to get together again real soon so I can roll around to meet my other relatives. We hugged several times, took some pictures together and then he dropped some other information on me before we left.

“You got a little sister around here somewhere also,” he said.

“Huh? For real?” I said.

I remember my father’s death certificate stating that he had a surviving spouse. Well according to Uncle Larry the two of them had a baby girl. I got excited even more. I have a sister to find. I left Uncle Larry’s home in amazement.

I received my first two calls from Uncle Curly (pictured below) last week and we talked for several hours. He told me even more stories about my father and even revealed to me the major drug dealer whom my father worked for back then. Interestingly I know that person because he’s now a Muslim. Small world, huh?Uncle Curly explained his job to me, asked me several questions about my life and just kept saying “Man, I wish I was at home right now to see you nephew.”

(Originally Posted on July 5, 2010)

After receiving such an overwhelming response to my last blog “A Fatherless Father’s Day card”, I was compelled to give you all an update on the progress I have made by Allah’s Permission.

I have been told that this is playing out like the perfect movie.

I have also been told that some people might not believe all of this is happening the way that it is.

I even find myself in shock as I write this blog because Allah (God) is blessing me every week to get one step closer to finding a living relative connected to my deceased biological father.

One step closer to finding out what is on the other side.

Check this out….and you might not believe it!

On June 28, I returned to the offices of the Houston Health & Human Resources Department to obtain a copy of my father’s death certificate. This was my third time attempting to get it.

During my first two attempts I was told I did not have enough information because all I knew at the time was the month and year of his death. I came armed with ample information this time due to the research I did at the library, which you can read about in my previous post: “Meet my grandmother Queen Ester Carter”.

With my manila folder full of documents, names and dates, I filled out the death certificate request form. This time I knew the date of his birth, the exact date of his death, the names of my grandmother and grandfather plus their birthdays as well.

I knew I could not be denied this time but I was honestly still nervous!

My ticket number was called. “Number 880, please go to Window 3 to be served.”

I went to the window with the form, paid the required $21 and stared through the glass at the Black male clerk. After about two minutes of processing he stamped my form, gave me a receipt and instructed me to take my information to “Window Ten” to pick up my personal copy of the death certificate for Mr. Joe McCray, Jr…..my pops.

“Yes!” I said to myself.

Uh oh. Here comes the “strange” turn of events.

I went to the window and it was being run by a Black woman wearing glasses. She took a form off of the printer and as she glanced over it I saw my father’s name at the top. I was getting real excited.

Then she says “It will be a few more minutes Mr. Muhammad.”

With a blank stare, I said “Yes maam.”

I sat on the waiting bench positioned directly in front of the window and I noticed she was staring at me through the glass before she started helping the other people in line behind me. Their transactions took almost less than a minute so I was wondering why I had to wait.

Was there something wrong with the death certificate? Did I have to verify more information? All of this and more was running through my mind.

Once she cleared the line, she picked up my father’s death certificate and again started staring at me.

Out of my obvious impatience I said “Maam is there a problem with the certificate?”

She said “Please come to the window sir.”

Then she asked “Hey, where’s your grandmother’s people from?”

Thinking this was another test, I pulled out my manila folder and said “Well, according to the research I have here, her family is originally from Montgomery, Texas. However, my mother told me that my dad, his brothers and others were raised in the Studewood area here in Houston.”

She said “Well that means you and I might be cousins. My last name is McCray and there’s a lot of us McCrays still staying in Studewood. I stay over there now.”

You could imagine the look on my face. The initial thought was not to believe it but the second thought was “Out of all of the windows, I would be sent to the one that a potential cousin is working at?”

She goes on to explain how the names on the death certificate sounded familiar to her because she said she remembers hearing about a ‘Joseph McCray” in her family being killed but she never knew that side of the family.

“I think my grandfather and your grandfather are cousins,” she said.

I can’t front, I got teary-eyed as I gave her a brief summary of the search I have been on since September of last year and what led me to this particular point. She was amazed herself by us meeting like this. She told me that she would ask her relatives and gave me her cell phone number.

She jokingly told me, “Don’t be bugging me, now.”

I said “Of course I am.”

I left the office building. Before I could get to my car I was glancing over my father’s death certificate. For some reason I first wanted to know what caused his death. I had been told stories about it but I wanted to see if it was true.

It was. He died from a gunshot wound in the chest on March 13, 1988 at 1:45pm on Cullen Blvd in Houston and he was pronounced dead at 2:15pm. He was only 39. I was going on ten at the time.

“Someone shot my daddy,” I said to myself.

His listed occupation is a mechanic for Exxon which I knew about from my mother. However what we didn’t know was that he had a surviving spouse and her name is listed on the certificate. May be I can find her! It also listed the place of his funeral and the site of his burial.

This was a lot to take in.

I found myself sitting in the parking garage for a while with my eyes closed imaging him being shot in broad daylight. I was told stories of how he had got involved in hustling at one time in his life and how his death was drug-related. Someone suggested I find out if the homicide was solved……I think I will.

I called and shared the news about obtaining the certificate with my family and close friends. Everyone was as shocked as I was about the woman at the window potentially being my cousin.

What are the odds?

I waited a day before calling the woman I met at “Window 10″. She told me she had yet to ask around to her relatives but she still planned to. Then she suggested that I look up the names of my grandfather and uncles in an online real estate site to see if their names come up so we could obtain a physical address or phone number.

I told her I would and she said she would be sure to call me back.

I did the search but was unsuccessful in finding anything registered in their names. She called me back on June 30 to see if I had found anything and I told her I did not.

“You must not have looked good enough because I did,” she said.

“Really?” I replied.

“Yes. I found a home that has the names of your uncles listed as the owners. It could be them,” she said.

I wrote down the address and thanked her. Again she promised to ask her older relatives if they are familiar with that side of the family to verify our kinship.

I did a MapQuest search of the address. You already know I wanted to go that same evening but I didn’t want to be popping up to someone’s home late at night and it not be them. Lol!

My family and I decided to wait until the next day. One problem! Over the last three days it has been storming and flooding throughout the greater Houston area so I have practiced a little patience.

However, as I write this the sky is clear. There is a chance for more rain but not like the last few days so this may be the day.

I may have a chance to go to that address, knock on the door, and embrace my two living uncles. I would be a step closer to living a life independent of the thoughts of the pain of not knowing the other side of the family tree.

What are the odds? My story is a testament that anything is possible.

I will let you know what happens.

(You’re welcome to follow Brother Jesse Muhammad further on Twitter or become a fan on Facebook)