Estimated reading time: 9 minute(s)
Originally published 6.19.11
This is an old school photo of my mother, Mavis Jackson, with my father Joe McCray, Jr. that I scanned. They look so happy!
This time last year, I was extremely depressed on Father’s Day because I was coping with the truth that I had discovered via a DNA test that was taken September 2009.
For those who just started reading my blogs, as a birthday gift to me and my mother, I decided to discover the truth as to who my biological father is. Due to my mother’s circumstances surrounding my birth, I had two men as possibilities. One man, Joe McCray, had been deceased since 1988 and the other one, Earl Rideaux, was alive somewhere in Houston. I chose to find Earl and ask him to take the DNA test if he would agree. See, Earl was the one I was told all along was my biological father. But my mother confessed to me ten years ago that she was honestly unsure.
The days leading up to the DNA test, I prayed that it would be him. Then, regardless of his shortcomings in the past, I would have a chance to have a father-son relationship. We took the test on Sept. 17 of that year and the results came back Sept. 22 as 0% probability. I was crushed and so was Earl.
So at that moment I had to face reality. The man that God used to bring me to birth is dead, yet, he lives in me and through me. Interestingly, Joe McCray had been a part of my life when I was a little boy but I was told he was my “Godfather.†So I have fond memories of him, but never knew he was my real dad. My mother didn’t either, however she is elated that we have closure to that question.
(R to L) Aunt Marilyn, Uncle Larry, Grandmother (mother’s side), Me, my Mother and Uncle Curly reuniting!
I went through a slight depression about it but my journey didn’t stop there!
Last June, I obtained my father’s death certificate, did extensive research at the library, and gained help from others which led me to July 4, 2010—the day I found my dad’s two living brothers and sister. Since that time I have been bonding with Uncle Larry, Uncle Curly, Aunt Marilyn, my cousin Mickey and meeting more family members. It has been unreal and a blessing. I even went to a Houston Rockets game with one of them and I felt like a little nephew for real—even though I’m 32 years old. (smile)
Last September I visited my dad’s gravesite for the first time ever. It was emotionally painful and I couldn’t stay long. Since that time I’ve had people to help me to relieve aspects of the mental weight connected to that lost and I feel happier today about it all.
My dad’s grave site in Houston
To mark the anniversary of my dad’s birth, I hosted a family gathering this February to bring together my dad’s and mother’s families for a heartfelt reunion.
I no longer will have a fatherless Father’s Day, because today I get to visit with my two uncles, through whom my father lives every day. He lives through me also.
Anything is possible.
Happy Father’s Day!
P.S.-I am finishing a book about this entire experience and God-Willing it is releasing in September.
(You’re welcome to follow on Twitter @BrotherJesse and read his blog at http://jessemuhammad.blogs.finalcall.com)
