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mavis jackson

The Upper Situation Room

No longer a Fatherless Father’s Day!

written by AQM Blog Staff

Originally published 6.19.11

This is an old school photo of my mother, Mavis Jackson, with my father Joe McCray, Jr. that I scanned. They look so happy!

This time last year, I was extremely depressed on Father’s Day because I was coping with the truth that I had discovered via a DNA test that was taken September 2009.

For those who just started reading my blogs, as a birthday gift to me and my mother, I decided to discover the truth as to who my biological father is. Due to my mother’s circumstances surrounding my birth, I had two men as possibilities. One man, Joe McCray, had been deceased since 1988 and the other one, Earl Rideaux, was alive somewhere in Houston. I chose to find Earl and ask him to take the DNA test if he would agree. See, Earl was the one I was told all along was my biological father. But my mother confessed to me ten years ago that she was honestly unsure.

The days leading up to the DNA test, I prayed that it would be him. Then, regardless of his shortcomings in the past, I would have a chance to have a father-son relationship. We took the test on Sept. 17 of that year and the results came back Sept. 22 as 0% probability. I was crushed and so was Earl.

So at that moment I had to face reality. The man that God used to bring me to birth is dead, yet, he lives in me and through me. Interestingly, Joe McCray had been a part of my life when I was a little boy but I was told he was my “Godfather.” So I have fond memories of him, but never knew he was my real dad. My mother didn’t either, however she is elated that we have closure to that question.

(R to L) Aunt Marilyn, Uncle Larry, Grandmother (mother’s side), Me, my Mother and Uncle Curly reuniting!

I went through a slight depression about it but my journey didn’t stop there!

Last June, I obtained my father’s death certificate, did extensive research at the library, and gained help from others which led me to July 4, 2010—the day I found my dad’s two living brothers and sister. Since that time I have been bonding with Uncle Larry, Uncle Curly, Aunt Marilyn, my cousin Mickey and meeting more family members. It has been unreal and a blessing. I even went to a Houston Rockets game with one of them and I felt like a little nephew for real—even though I’m 32 years old. (smile)

Last September I visited my dad’s gravesite for the first time ever. It was emotionally painful and I couldn’t stay long. Since that time I’ve had people to help me to relieve aspects of the mental weight connected to that lost and I feel happier today about it all.

My dad’s grave site in Houston

To mark the anniversary of my dad’s birth, I hosted a family gathering this February to bring together my dad’s and mother’s families for a heartfelt reunion.

I no longer will have a fatherless Father’s Day, because today I get to visit with my two uncles, through whom my father lives every day. He lives through me also.

Anything is possible.

Happy Father’s Day!

P.S.-I am finishing a book about this entire experience and God-Willing it is releasing in September.

(You’re welcome to follow on Twitter @BrotherJesse and read his blog at http://jessemuhammad.blogs.finalcall.com)

July 22, 2015
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The Upper Situation Room

The Love of a Mother 24/7/365

written by AQM Blog Staff

Originally published 5.8.11

Could you imagine how tough it would have been on us if our mother only paid attention to our needs once a year? What if she had only changed our diapers once a year? Scary thought! How about if she only had cooked us a meal once a year?

The point of course is a mother’s love is around the clock and she goes beyond to make sure we have what we need when we’re growing up. Sure, the second Sunday in May is set aside for Mother’s Day and if you want to buy your mother some flowers, candy, balloons, or a card, go right ahead. Show your love. Yes, there are those who are capitalizing, commercializing and exploiting our love for our mothers by racking in millions of dollars, and they may care less about our mothers. I’m not going to lean in on that because you already know that. (smile)

Yet, a few years back my mother told me that she really stopped caring much about one particular holiday because she feels blessed to have the love of her children and grandchildren the other 364 days. She loves hearing from us every week whether it’s a phone call or text message, seeing us when we visit her home, and she doesn’t mind receiving gifts as well—no matter what day it is. She said the best gift she could have is for her children and grandchildren to be the best human beings they can be and nothing less.

When I think of my mother, Mavis Jackson, one word comes to mind: Overcomer. This is a woman who raised five children (1 girl, 4 boys) as a single mother in Houston. We moved constantly from apartment to apartment and faced countless evictions. I can’t begin to tell you how many abusive relationships she has survived and how many of her boyfriends my brothers and I beat up in her defense. The monkey of drug addiction stayed on her back for many years. We experienced staying in shelters in downtown Houston, on the streets at night and even in drug houses in 5th Ward. My mother was blessed to kick her drug habit and she is now a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor, helping others turn their lives around.

My mother once wrote in an article, “At one point in their lives, my children lived through my drug addiction. They experienced the neglect that an addiction causes, and hunkered down to take care of each other. I am not proud of my addiction but I am grateful for it, because had I not gone through it, I would not be the person I am today.”

A few years ago, my mother was faced with yet another test. We watched as her hair started gradually falling out. My brothers and sister thought it was just stress from her job so we pleaded with her to let the job go and rest. But no matter how much rest she got it never stopped falling out. It was tough for her to handle. She started wearing head wraps and sometimes wigs. She then decided to completely shave her head and wear the bald look. She has an autoimmune disease called Alopecia Areata. She researched and joined a support network called Bald Girls Do Lunch. She’s walking with her head high because she says “I am not my hair.”

What an overcomer! She has been through so much but her faith in God makes her to not give up despite the trials. This woman, just like all mothers, is worthy of honor, respect, and love 24/7/365. Thank you to all mothers for all you do and go through for your children. Thank you to all of the single mothers pulling double duty.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “The best of you is he who is kindest to his mother and his wife.”

Mother’s Day is every day.

(You’re welcome to follow Brother Jesse’s tweets on Twitter @BrotherJesse or his posts on Facebook. Visit his award-winning blog, Brother Jesse Blog)

July 22, 2015
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Motivation

Part 4 of Black Women in America Raising Boys: “Being a Part of Something Great”

written by AQM Blog Staff

Originally published 11.1.09

By Mavis Jackson

My name is Mavis Jackson and I am the mother of five children, four of them boys. I not only was blessed to be a part of the life-changing documentary “Raising Boys”, I also received the honor of being the woman that God chose to give birth to the extraordinary black man who gave birth to it. It was a privilege to be interviewed and to share my experience, strength and hope about the topic, and having first hand knowledge of that, my son knew I easily qualified.

I was a single mother and for most of my children’s lives we were on welfare and food stamps. We had some challenges, but with the help of God and my mother, we made it through them. I had friends who had boys that were going to prison, getting addicted to drugs and making other negative life choices, but my boys didn’t get caught up. Today I believe that was due to the grace of God and the love of a family that would not spare the rod.

I was raised by a single mother and had a loving relationship with my biological father. Throughout my life I saw my mother work hard and overcome the challenges associated with being a single mom. Her example gave me the courage I needed when I found myself in that same position. I became a mother at 16, and I tell everyone that my children and I “grew up together”, which made for a very special bond.At one point in their lives, my children lived through my drug addiction. They experienced the neglect that an addiction causes, and hunkered down to take care of each other. I am not proud of my addiction but I am grateful for it, because had I not gone through it, I would not be the person I am today.

Today I am a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor and I help people who are where I used to be. All four of my sons are successful, productive, law-abiding men. They are living proof that with the help of God and people like Brother Deric, single mothers can produce good men.I pray that every single mother everywhere has an opportunity to see this documentary. It will encourage them, support them and help them to better understand their roles; and with that knowledge comes power.

The documentary will premiere on November 5, 2009 at the Angelika Theater here in Houston. Anyone wanting to be in the know will want to be in attendance.

(For more information on the “Raising Boys” documentary log on to:http://raisingboysdocumentary.eventbrite.com)

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July 16, 2015
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Motivation

My mother, Mavis Jackson, makes a guest appearance on the Today Show as part of “Bald Girls Do Lunch” organization

written by AQM Blog Staff

Originally published 7.27.09

by Jesse Muhammad

DSC_5537On the morning of July 27, 2009, we watched and cheered as our mother, Mavis Jackson, made her first ever national television appearance on the Today Show. She was in the segment highlighting the group “Bald Girls Do Lunch”, a non-profit specifically created for women with alopecia areata. It was founded by Thea Chassin. For more information on the group visit www.baldgirlsdolunch.org
Here is the segment that appeared on television:

 

This is the web only inside segment:

July 14, 2015
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Motivation

Meet My Mother Mavis Jackson: “I Take It One Day at a Time”

written by AQM Blog Staff

Originally published 1.1.09

Written by Jesse Muhammad

This blog is not being written to the tune of “Dear Momma” by Tupac Shakur playing in the background but this blog is being written to the tune of a harmonious jazzy love I have for my mother and she-ro: Ms. Mavis Jackson.

Throughout 2008, in just about every motivational talk I delivered, I got the attention of my audience quickly by giving them a little background about my upbringing.

Part of that story is how my mother went round for round with a drug addiction for years. I won’t go into details here, but just know that she overcame it by God’s Power and now she is a phenomenal Licensed Chemical Dependency and Anger Management Counselor. Helping others to overcome.

But in 2007, my mother was faced with yet another test. I watched as her hair started gradually falling out. My brothers and sister thought it was just stress from her job so we pleaded with her to let the job go and rest. But no matter how much rest she got it never stopped falling out.

It was tough for her to handle and all of us as well. She started wearing “Badu-style” head wraps and some times wigs. I personally could not handle looking at her head because I don’t like to see my mother suffer. So any time she would show it to my siblings I would not look.

But one day, I walked in on her showing her head to someone, and for the first time I got a full glimpse of her condition…painful…..I went off into a room and shed a few tears. She doesn’t know this and will find out for the first time when she reads this blog.

Then I realized that she needed all of us to support her in this, so I got myself together. She then decided to completely shave her head and rock the bald look. She researched what her condition is called and joined a support network.

So to those that have been concerned, my mother does not have cancer. She has an autoimmune disease called Alopecia Areata. It’s a condition where the immune system attacks the hair follicles “by mistake” and causes the hair to fall out. It’s not hereditary.

“I had never really known anyone with it until I contracted it myself”, she says. “The lows, the shock, the amazement was all part of my getting to the point of acceptance. After all, like India Arie says ‘I am not my hair’ and I can live life without it.”

She immediately went online searching for and found the Alopecia Areata support community. Today she is an active member and communicates with other women with the disorder to share her experience, strength and hope.

“Some of us are blessed with more resilience to bounce back from life’s unexpected surprises”, she says. “It is our responsibility to be there for those who need a little extra love.”

She is handling it wonderfully but the only bad thing now for her is we can see clearly where my second eldest brother Deric Muhammad got his head from!(smile)

This is my momma. This is why I am.

(Follow my mother’s blog “One Day At A Time” at: msmavis.blogspot.com/)

June 29, 2015
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Motivation

I saw my grandfather’s face for the first time…and now you can too.

written by AQM Blog Staff

Written by Jesse Muhammad

Originally published 10.28.08

In the midst of so much story writing on so many sad cases, I wanted to take this brief pause to introduce to you Mr. Charles Chavis. Don’t feel bad if you don’t know him, because I didn’t either until a few weeks ago.

Matter of fact, the picture that you see attached to this blog was given to me on October 4 by my mother Mavis Jackson as part of a funeral program dated February 14, 1982.

It’s her father. My grandfather…and this was the first time I had ever seen his face.

See, I was three years old when he made his transition and even my mother did not own a photo of him. To receive copies of this funeral program was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I know my brothers and sister, would agree.

I don’t believe in coincidence. But a few months ago, something special would occur that would allow my mother and her 5 children to have this treasure in our possession.

This is how it happened.

It was not long before this that my older brother, Deric Muhammad was telling my mother that we didn’t know much about her father’s side of the family and that she should try to connect with them so we can learn that part of our history.

That was a seed.

Then one day my mother was in the cafeteria at her job and was talking with a co-worker named Wanda Chavis who has been working there for a while with her. My mother noticed that she had the last name Chavis and my mother told her “Girl, my father’s last name was Chavis.”, and Wanda replied “what was his first name?” and once my mother told her his full name Wanda said “I had a uncle by that same name”.

As the conversation progressed and few more names were pitched, the two realized that they are FIRST cousins, working at the same facility, and not knowing it. Our cousin! The two are so happy! Cousin Wanda then gave my mother several copies of the funeral program from Grandpa Charles’ service.

When I took it home, I could not stop starring at and reading the program. He was born March 19, 1925. Truth be told I got his nose. (smile) And I can see his features in all of us in some form or fashion down to my daughter, nieces and nephews.

Word is now that his side of the family can’t wait to have us at the next family reunion. I can’t wait either.

This is Grandpa Charles’ Corner.

This is a part of my history….this why I am.

June 22, 2015
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