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parenting

CHILDREN OF THE MOST HIGH: Gotta Be a Little Bit Nosy

by Fudia Muhammad

It seems that every few years, a parenting “expert” coins a new term to describe or brand the latest style of parenting. Parenting styles emerged as an area of academic focus and attention in 1966 when Diana Baumrind, a psychologist and researcher released her findings on how parents and children relate in the home. She came up with three major parenting styles: authoritarian parenting, permissive parenting and authoritative parenting. In a nutshell, authoritarian parents are extremely strict, rigid, overly demanding, too hard and can be abusive. Permissive parents are just the opposite – they are too soft, they do not punish or enforce rules, they spoil their children, have no real expectations and relate to their children as friends instead of as authority figures. Diana Baumrind deemed authoritative parenting to be “just right.” This parent is well balanced – providing structure, discipline and expectations while making sure the child feels validated, loved and nurtured. According to her study, these children tend to be both “academically strong and emotionally stable.”

Fudia Muhammad

In recent years we may have heard of new terms for parenting styles such as, tiger parenting, helicopter parenting, attachment parenting, instinctive parenting, uninvolved (hands-off) parenting and free-range parenting. All of these different styles of parenting are most often used to describe a parent’s relationship with their child and the physical world. What is always puzzling is that often one’s preferred parenting style does not always transpose to all areas of child rearing.

For example, the ‘helicopter mom’ may be overprotective and hover over the child’s every move, restricting playing outdoors with friends; but allows her eight-year-old to have a cell phone with all the bells and whistles. She is comforted by this decision because it allows her immediate access to her child, but at the same time, the phone also allows the child instant access to the world and the world access to the child. In another instance, the ‘free-range’ parent gives the child the independence of an adult by limiting outdoor supervision; but may intervene when the child makes a poor choice and has to face the consequences imposed by another adult.

But, let’s be honest, being bound to one style of parenting is a luxury that most Black parents do not have. The truth is, we have to parent differently because our children are treated differently. The world does not view the Black child through a loving, protective lens. Our children are seen as a threat or at the very least a nuisance. Therefore, it is up to Black parents to protect our beautiful Black children from a world that both subtly and overtly works to destroy them.

The Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad said that you cannot protect what you cannot control. Our primary responsibility is to protect the children given to us by Allah (God). This requires that we be both scientists and parents. In this dual role, we must scientifically administer the right parental formula required for each specific condition. Conditions vary based on our child’s age, gender, temperament, and circumstance. Therefore, every so-called parenting style may be required from time to time. However, the only way to determine what formula is needed is if we have an accurate diagnosis. This may require being a little bit nosy.

Everyone cherishes their privacy and does not want their privacy violated in any way. According to the Holy Qur’an, privacy should be respected in the home (24:58-60). Children require privacy as well. When our children reach puberty, they should certainly have privacy when bathing and dressing. Outside of that, parents have the right to put limits or restrictions on privacy allowances for their children.

Unfortunately, most parents truly believe, “not my child,” when it comes to considering the possibility of inappropriate, deviant or even criminal behavior. But the Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad said, “You can turn devil overnight.” To a parent who is not paying close attention, it may appear that the child literally changed from an angel to a devil overnight; but the truth is, Allah (God) is so Merciful that He always gives us warnings and signs, but we may choose not to see them, or we may misinterpret.

The word ‘nosy’ has a negative connotation because it implies snooping, being secretive, deceptive, sneaking around, spying or eavesdropping. That is not at all what we mean. Parents should be straight-up honest with their children about the things they plan to do to try to protect them. Let them know: There will be random cell phone checks; I will be monitoring your social media posts; checking your internet searches and restricting online interactive gaming. In most cases, parents not only purchase their children’s cell phones and other devices, but also pay the monthly bill. This alone affords them the right to be ‘nosy.’ Parents should have access to passwords without issue or hesitation. If children have a curfew when it comes to being outdoors, they should have a curfew when comes to allowing the entire world indoors. This means that cell phones should be put away in a designated location at the designated time.

Cell phones are a reality of our time, but we should hold out as long as possible. It is just not necessary for primary school students to have a cell phone. And if you can hold out until high school, that’s even better. If not, we can always get an assist with one of the many parental control apps which are now available. The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan said that the physical presence of parents can extinguish the desire of our children to engage in unrighteous behavior. The same is true for electronic devices. If children know their parents are watching and monitoring, they are less likely to be tempted to venture into the unsavory. Is anything full-proof? No. But that does not exempt us from keeping always on the alert. So ,do not feel the least bit guilty about checking backpacks, handbags or bedrooms from time to time. Be respectful by knocking on the door, but make sure your children understand that you will not be waiting indefinitely to enter. Our intention should always be to protect and not to spy. However, hands-off, lazy or slack parents can be dangerous. All signs, big and small should be addressed; they should never be ignored or left unchecked. After all, a clear sign and warning is a mercy from God.

(Sister Fudia Muhammad is a member of Muhammad Mosque No. 64 in Austin, Texas. She is married to Student Minister Robert L. Muhammad and they have been blessed with four children. Sister Fudia holds a Master’s degree in Education – she is a writer, an educator and an advocate for God-centered child-rearing.)

February 4, 2019

Motivation Perspective

CHILDREN OF THE MOST HIGH: Love is Not an Emotion

written by AQM Blog Staff

by Fudia Muhammad

@GiveBirthToAGod

Over the years, The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan has been very candid in sharing the circumstances of his birth and the details surrounding his childhood. He speaks of his beloved mother with great reverence and honor. She was a strict disciplinarian who reared her sons to be respectful and truthful; to be God-fearing and to love Black people. He describes his mother as a woman who demonstrated her love for her children daily, through the manner in which she was determined to rear them. She was a single Black woman with the serious task of rearing two boys during the 30s and 40s, leaving little time for foolishness. She was not affectionate with her children, giving them hugs and kisses;or saying, ‘I love you,’ with the regularity that children may desire. However, she was a dutiful devoted mother; and though they were poor,she made sure that her children did not want for anything.

Fudia Muhammad

Love is a word used far too casually – I love ice cream; I love that song; I love my bestie! However, we are taught that love is NOT an emotion. The dictionary’s definition of love is simply inadequate; it does not capture the scope of the word. In its fullness, God is Love. Duty is Love. Love is a verb; it’s action. Love is not something we merely feel; love is mostly seen. How do we know if we love our spouse? Our children? A critical examination of our actions will allow us to honestly ascertain whether or not our love is complete. The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan, a divinely guided man, dissected real loveand offers a brilliant explanation.

In Self-Improvement: The Basis of Community Development (Study Guide 18: Rising Above Emotion into the Thinking of God), The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan wrote, “Though ‘Love’ is equally defined as an emotion, I would say that Love is not an emotion; Love is the Mother of Emotion. Love is the Creative Force out of which all things come. Love can be broken down into 4 principles: Freedom, Justice,Equality and Obedience to the Will of Allah (God). We call our intense feeling of like or dislike ‘Love’ and ‘Hate.’ But Love is not just an intense feeling. That is a limitation that this world has placed on it, making it our emotional reaction to something…We must not narrow Love to an emotional reaction. But when we say, ‘God is Love,’ the word ‘is’is represented by the ‘=’ symbol, then Love has to be complete, because God is not an emotion. All of His Attributes are embodied in the Creative force we call Love; an intense like for something is only one of its manifestations.”

Again, on the subject of ‘Love,’ The Minister writes in Study Guide 16: The Law of God, “The Essence of Divine Law is Love…When one gains Love for Allah (God),and for His Creation, then in that Love is contained the Law. One willingly obeys Divine Law out of Love. We need Love, but not without Law.”

Displaying love at this level is deliberate and purposeful, nothing is done haphazardly. Parents who unwisely seek the friendship of their children, and above all simply desire that their children be happy with them will acquiesce to their children’s wishes even if it conflicts with what they know is right. This is the emotional aspect of love. Seeking favor from our children and not the favor of God is an unworthy goal because the reward is fleeting. How can we honestly profess our love for our children and allow them to engage in activities that are not good for them? It is a contradiction to say we love our children but will not discipline them or put restrictions in place to protect them. We are guilty of abdicating our God-given responsibilities as parents when we seek the path of least resistance.

The evidence that a mother or father love their children beyond the limitations of an intense emotional relationship is manifested in their actions. They will teach their children about God and righteous conduct. They will correct them when they deviate or rebel against the rules of the home because this reinforces discipline and builds respect and character. They will feed their children the best foods because this increases the likelihood of long life and good health. Parents who love completely will also take all necessary measures to keep negative influences away from their children; as well as teach and train them on how to navigate around those that seep through. This means that cell phones, social media, friends and activities are all monitored.

It is in the nature of a child to be curious about the unknown; so children will push boundaries until they are stopped. Children do what parents permit them to do. Therefore, we must BE THE PARENT and not the friend. Giving in to pressure is not love. Certainly, our children may feel that we are strict or even “mean” for keeping an ever-watchful eye over what they watch; listen to; the friends they keep; cell phone usage and all their comings and goings. But in the end – SO WHAT! Rest assured, they will not be children forever and will thank you later. If we love our children completely, we will do what is best for them; whether it leads to their displeasure or not. After all, the Holy Qur’an reads, “It may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you;and Allah knows while you know not.”

The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan under a picture of his mother.

If love is freedom, justice, equality and obedience to the Will of Allah (God); our children should be free to (respectfully)express themselves – we should welcome questions, comments, complaints and conversation. Their concerns should not be dismissed. We must be just and fair in our dealings with them; and if they are right, we must bow down to the truth that they speak. If we parent with equity and justice, our children who are righteous by nature, will grow to love God’s law and His way. As they mature, they will be grateful for our obedience to the divine laws of Allah (God). We cannot parent our children, looking for instant gratification – our reward comes tomorrow.

All of this is not to say that we should not be affectionate with our children because we absolutely should. Children need to be hugged and stroked and kissed. There is power in the touch; just a few seconds releases oxytocin, strengthening our natural bond and trust. Children also need to be reassured and validated by receiving positive affirmations and praise; and by hearing the words, ‘I love you’ all of the time. But if we say it and don’t show it, then our words are in vain. So, the greatest testament of our love is to be dutiful to Allah (God)and to rear our children in the best manner.

December 17, 2018

Motivation Perspective

CHILDREN OF THE MOST HIGH: Is Quality Time a Hoax?

written by AQM Blog Staff

by Fudia Muhammad

@GiveBirthToAGod

“Time is the only commodity you can never get back.” Those profound words were shared by Brother Jabril Muhammad over twenty years ago with the Believers in Austin, Texas – and likely with so many others. Whenever we catch ourselves procrastinating or being frivolous with time, we can check ourselves by reflecting on those words. We are all keenly aware that time is precious since no one has been promised an infinite amount of it. The Holy Qur’an warns, “And say not of anything: I will do that tomorrow, Unless Allah please. And remember thy Lord when thou forgettest and say: Maybe my Lord will guide me to a nearer course to the right than this” (18: 23-24). So in Arabic (our original language) we say, Insha’Allah – if God wills, it will happen or God willing…I will do such and such tomorrow.

Fudia Muhammad

As we approach the end of each day, most parents want more time – “just a couple of more hours” we say, is all we need. In order to incorporate the way of life promoted in America, most families require that both parents forfeit time with their children in order to be available to work at a job for an unnatural amount of time each week. Parents are then sold the lie that quality time is more important than quantity time; and we gladly gobble up this deception in order to console ourselves and keep from feeling additional guilt over being more absent than present with our children.

Quality time is defined as, “time spent in giving another person one’s undivided attention in order to strengthen a relationship, especially with reference to working parents and their child or children.” According to some counselors, psychologists and parenting “experts,” quality time trumps quantity time; which is defined as, “the amount of time a parent is physically present with their child.”

We argue that unless the parent is abusive or in any way dangerous to the child; then every child actually needs more quantity time over so-called ‘quality time.’ When quality time is our primary focus, what tends to happen is that the experiences we have with our children are manufactured, not organic. We will plan 30-minutes here or an hour there. That deep conversation is planned; we plan the outing, the book readings, we plan the shopping spree, the laughter and the excitement is all planned. We consider these prearranged moments of time as being valuable and they can be; but they are also fleeting. So while the intention is to have a profound and lasting impact – most of our children cannot easily recall the details of many of those moments without the aid of pictures, videos or paraphernalia. However they can instantaneously recall whether or not their parents were present during critical periods; since feelings of neglect tend to linger.

From the perspective of a child, above all, they want our physical presence – they desire quantity time over quality time with their parents – they do not categorize or rank our time with them based on the type of activity. First and foremost the primary need of any child is to feel secure. Nothing compares to the physical presence of a parent to make a child feel instantly safe and secure. It does not matter what type of chaos may be surrounding them; a parent’s physical presence quells those fears.

Children also often equate love with time and attention. Those who were present around the Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad have said that he was very attentive when children were around. It has been shared that he would stop in the middle of a meeting or dinner if a child entered the room and give his full attention to that child. It has also been reported that when his grandchildren would visit, he would kneel right on the floor and play with them. It is a beautiful image and reminder to those of us who think we are too busy. Here is a man who was given the hardest job of any man who ever lived; but in an instant, he could see the value of renegotiating the time that he knew he would never get back. He did so for the benefit of the children who came around him.

Those of us who lack quantity time with our children may try to substitute material things to express our love. While every child loves a gift, it is a brief enjoyment. The greatest thing we could ever spend on our children is our time. Quantity time is actually a quality gift. If time is the only commodity we can never get back, then there is nothing that is of higher value or quality than our time. Quantity time creates the capacity for quality moments to naturally emerge. In other words, we cannot capture genuine quality moments with any regularity, without having large quantities of time. So in essence, quantity time is quality time.

There are many other lasting benefits to quantity time with our children. According to Focus on the Family, “The more involved parents are with their children – and the word ‘more’ here is used with direct reference to the concept of quantity – the less likely they are to have social, emotional, or academic problems, use drugs or alcohol, become involved in crime, or engage in premarital sex.” The nature of a child is to explore and to be curious. But the presence of any authority figure is going to reduce and can even eliminate attempts at harmful experimentation by our children. Also, the more time we spend with our children, the more we get to know them. There are countless examples that prove that giving birth to someone and living with them does not mean we fully know them. In addition, quantity time allows children to enjoy their childhood and not compel them to grow up too soon.

While the details of the basketball game, recital, science fair, or fieldtrips may be fuzzy – our children will remember if we were available; not just for the special events, but every time they needed us. It’s no wonder why long distance relationships fail. A special moment here and there can never compare with the connection and bond that is created through everyday activities and spontaneous interactions.

We are taught that every human need is a human right. Children not only need affection from parents, but they need validation. The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan said that no matter what the child does, children desire validation from their parents and those who mean most to it. The Minister has warned us about being too busy that we neglect our children, “When we do not get sufficient attention as a child, we act in a manner to get attention and sometimes this results in anti-social conduct or behavior. When the need for attention and validation is not supplied in the home or in the school, and we find that we have a gift or talent, that sets us apart and gives us attention, we have a tendency to focus on that talent and give all of our time to the talent, gift, or profession because it has given us the attention, acceptance and validation that we missed coming up as children.”

Ultimately, children need both quality and quantity time with their parents. But perhaps our definition of quality time needs to meet a higher standard so we will not settle for staged snapshots, but will meet the expectation and right of our children to know that their parents see the value in spending much of their time with them. Not only do children want us to be present (quantity), but as the Minister said, “The child wants to know that we are aware of its presence” (quality).

April 2, 2018

Motivation Perspective

CHILDREN OF THE MOST HIGH: Fighting Parents, A Child’s Burden

written by AQM Blog Staff

by Fudia Muhammad

@GiveBirthToAGod

On Sunday August 27, 2017 at the Family Summit-Conference in Atlanta, Georgia, the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan made the following statement during his keynote address: “There is going to be a perfect family as the perfect foundation to a perfect world. There has to be a perfect man to unite with a perfect woman to produce a perfect family that is so in harmony with The Nature of God and the nature of their own creation, that they will produce an exemplary family as the base of the unity of all families…”

Fudia Muhammad

The Bible bears witness that this ultimate goal is in fact attainable. Jesus says in the Book of Matthew, “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (5:48). Isn’t this the ideal life that we are all truly chasing, if we say that we are “striving” to submit our entire Will to do the Will of Allah (God)? The same can be said for those who are following in the footsteps of Jesus. We are all seeking perfection! Though we are striving, even the best of us fall short. Perhaps we fall short because our entire being has not yet accepted that perfection is attainable; or maybe it’s because we do not know what perfection looks like.

Children are the products of their parents and the environment in which they were reared. Ideally, children should one day be better than their parents; and the children they produce should be better than them; and this pattern should continue for generations until we attain perfection. In order to one-day produce the exemplary family the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan mentioned, we must eliminate everything that is not ideal. The list is extensive; so, we should start with the most abhorrent behaviors, those actions farthest away from perfection are easier to eliminate. One such behavior is parents arguing and fighting in the home around their children.

As a general principle, parents should never get in a heated argument or fight with one another in front of their children. It is very important that the moment couples agree to have children that they also agree not to argue in front of those children. Children literally worship their parents and love to imitate them whether their behavior is appropriate or not; this distinction is not drawn, particularly by very young children. No one makes a more indelible impression on children than parents. Parents model both good and bad behavior for their children every single day. There is a Nigerian proverb that states, “What the child says, he heard at home.” Behavior is not genetic; behavior is learned. And the most influential teachers of behavior are parents.

Worse than imitation is the internal damage caused by witnessing parents fight. The impact that a heated argument or fight can have on a child does not discriminate by age or gender. Whether the child is male or female; age three or fifteen, the mental dialogue that plays out in the mind of a child has no redeeming qualities. The child’s world is literally turned upside down. At that very moment, their emotions can range from confused to sad; then from scared to devastated.

Every marriage will have disagreements, but the need to get one’s point across regardless to whom or what, may give the individual an immediate temporary satisfaction; but the child experiences a lingering insecurity stemmed from fear that their parents could separate. Children are instinctively drawn to listen, observe and analyze every word and every motion of an argument between their parents because it directly connects to the first law of nature – self-preservation. They see their security, wellness, happiness and survival as directly tied to the outcome of that specific argument, so every aspect is ingested. Though the argument may have nothing to do with them, they still feel threatened. This takes a huge emotional toll. The burden for the child is unnatural and undeserved. We all now know that continuous emotional and mental stress and turmoil will eventually show up physically.

Ideally, parents should be exemplary models and examples of a loving relationship and work effectively to demonstration a stable and peaceful home environment. Children are not clueless, they know that adults argue and may fight verbally – but they do not want to be forced to witness their parents go at it. This causes anxiety for children and forces them to inwardly withdrawal or to take sides; and in some of the more severe instances, interject themselves into the argument in an effort to try to settle the difference. Home should be a sanctuary, the safest environment for children; not a battle ground.

In the Holy Qur’an (16: 125) we are taught to argue in the best manner with those who disagree with our way of life and may have a harsh attitude towards what they do not fully understand. We are taught to take this approach with strangers and with our rivals. We certainly should treat our spouse with this same level or greater respect. Truth should settle all arguing and disagreement; but sometimes as we journey toward the truth there is debate. It is not that we should be silent when we feel strongly about an issue, but timing and environment is paramount. Couples will argue, but it is completely dysfunctional to fight all the time. And to do so around our children is careless.

Another proverb states, “Work the clay while it is still wet.” The clay in this proverb is our children. We strive to shape and mold them as best we can while we still have power and influence over them. Once the clay is dry, you cannot change its shape. Once our children are no longer in our homes and move on to start families of their own, our influence over them is almost nil. It is so interesting that the vast majority of our lives will be spent living as adults, away from our parents; yet most of us can attribute our personalities, our self-esteem, our successes and our failures to the fleeting moments of our childhood. This should make us alert and cognizant to the reality that what our children experience during their rearing is preparing them for the majority of their life. God-willing, they too will seek perfection and get closer than their parents to achieving the ideal.

January 22, 2018

Motivation Perspective

CHILDREN OF THE MOST HIGH: Rearing Our Girls is a Chore

written by AQM Blog Staff

by Fudia Muhammad
@GiveBirthToAGod

In this age of gender-neutrality and an all-out rejection of gender-specific clothes, toys, sports, roles and bathrooms; we offer a reality check. Boys and girls are not somewhat different; they are COMPLETELY different! And there is nothing wrong with that; it was designed this way by the Best Knower, God Himself. The Holy Qur’an reads, “The male is not like the female.” Our deliberate rebellion against the nature in which God created the male and the female puts us in line for a divine whipping from Him. Today, there are no grey areas, God’s Way is clearly distinct from error, Satan’s way.

Fudia Muhammad

The title of this article, “Rearing Our Girls is a Chore,” should not be misinterpreted as harsh, chauvinistic or misogynistic. To state the obvious, the author of this article is a woman; she was born of a woman; LOVES Black women; and is rearing a beautiful daughter. This title actually comes from the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan, who spoke these words to my husband during a dinner conversation – others were present who can bear witness. But before anyone gets upset with the Minister, let’s delve into what he meant and why as parents we should approach rearing our girls with this divine insight.

Colloquially, the word “chore” has a negative connotation. But a chore is work that needs to be done regularly. Yes, this work is often difficult. It can be described as an assignment, a duty, job or a task. We can agree that the world in which we are rearing our girls is not one that respects, elevates and values the female as Allah (God) intended. This world constantly preys upon women and girls, physically and mentally. She is objectified, harassed, abused and discarded. If we approach the rearing of our girls as if this is not the reality, we will lose. As parents, we must be vigilant protectors of our girls – both mind and body, at all times. Rearing our girls is indeed a chore – it’s constant and quite difficult. One blink could lead to being completely blindsided.

The Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad teaches us that, “A Nation can rise no higher than its woman.” To the degree that the woman is reformed, refined, cultivated, civilized and educated in the Way of Allah (God) is to the same degree that the Nation will reflect this way of life. It will be directly proportional; no more, no less. So the Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad said that 75 percent of his work of reform was with the Black woman, the Mother of Civilization. Seventy-five percent of the work must be with her because this is where 75 percent of the problem is found. Solve the problem of reforming the Black woman and you solve the problem of restoring a people to once again reflect the Glory of God, resulting in a superior Nation. This obligates anyone who has any role or duty whatsoever that involves rearing, educating or handling our girls in anyway to be painstakingly attentive, cautious and righteous in our methodology.

Master Fard Muhammad said, “the hardest job ever given to any human being” is the job of resurrecting the so-called American Negro. We can all debate as to what the second hardest job is; but somewhere high up on the list has to be, rearing our girls in a world where perverse behavior is in vogue. Regardless of how much the enemy tries to make evil fair-seeming, wise parents must resist and choose to rear their children in the nature in which they were created. This contrary way of life will not remain forever because truth is always confirmed. The enemy clearly warns us in the Holy Qur’an, “And the devil will say, when the matter is decided: Surely Allah promised you a promise of truth, and I promised you, then failed you. And I had no authority over you, except that I called you and you obeyed me; so blame me not but blame yourselves. I cannot come to your help, nor can you come to my help. I deny your associating me with Allah before. Surely for the unjust is a painful chastisement” (14:22).

We cannot undertake the rearing of our boys and girls in the exact same manner because they are not the same. In her book, Queen of the Planet Earth: The Rebirth and Rise of the Original Woman, Minister Ava Muhammad writes, “When a woman or man does not manifest feminine or masculine traits, it is the result of environment and experience, not nature. What we are looking at is the nature of things; that which Allah (God) intended.”

A distinctive quality in the nature of the female is to be pleasing to Allah (God). This is why we also find in her nature a desire to equal herself up to man; up to God. Not because she wants to challenge God, but because she desires to be just like Him. Therefore, girls naturally seek to please the male figures in their lives who are exercising a degree of force and power (their godhood). Women and girls naturally gravitate to powerful men. This can be dangerous because most who manifest power in this world are unrighteous. Those unrighteous men take advantage of the nature of the female by showing their approval of her only in terms of her physical adornments. The vast amount of so-called “compliments” given to girls are based solely on her appearance. This poses a serious challenge for parents because it is baked into the nature of the female to be beautiful. In her book, Naturally Beautiful, Minister Ava Muhammad writes, “Understand that our primary goal as women is to be beautiful…The desire to be beautiful is innate; it was programmed into our DNA by the First God Who Created Himself in and from the triple darkness of space.”

Herein lies the great chore in rearing our girls. If found in her nature, given to her by Allah (God) Himself, is a primary goal to be beautiful; then how does she know that she has attained that goal if someone does not declare her to be beautiful. Subconsciously she is always seeking this confirmation. It is critical that this declaration initially comes from her father and the righteous men in her life or she will seek it elsewhere. It is also important that this affirmation not be one fleeting moment in time. She must be consistently reassured since she is simultaneously being bombarded with the warped standard of beauty set by the narrow lens of the enemy. Their definition of beauty is distorted and unnatural. Girls study their fathers and the men around them, to see what pleases them. If parents, particularly fathers of daughters, buy into this world’s ideal beauty – the scantily clad temptress; our daughters will seek to become that, thinking they are pleasing their father and indirectly pleasing God.

Naturally, girls also have a stronger need to be accepted because they are innately more communal than boys, who are more individualistic. This means parents must be ever vigilant about how their girls go about trying to be acceptable in the eyes of their peers and society in general. Yes, there is a double standard in this world that puts the burden on women. We need to know it and accept it. The standard for women is higher, as it should be since we can birth a Nation of gods through our wombs.

The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan described the value of our precious daughters as immeasurable and limitless. When we look at them, we too have to see that same quality; so we will never be tempted to forsake the difficulty factor attached to rearing our girls and preserving their virtue.

October 23, 2017

Motivation Perspective

CHILDREN OF THE MOST HIGH: No Sleepovers!

written by AQM Blog Staff

by Fudia Muhammad

@GiveBirthToAGod

The three predominant monotheistic religions – Judaism, Christianity and Islam – all have several fundamental principles in common: Belief in One God, prayer, charity, fasting, struggling to overcome the weaknesses of self, doing to others as you would have them do to you; and many more. In Islam, prayer is second only to our belief in One God. Prayer is so important that we are required to pray five times a day, at prescribed times. Depending on the time of year (and location), the distance between the first prayer at dawn and the second prayer could reach nearly 9 hours. However, after that second prayer, the time that lapses between each prayer gets shorter and shorter and shorter, as the night falls. Why is that?

Fudia Muhammad

Allah (God) requires us to pray to Him for many reasons; primarily as a demonstration of gratitude, but also to seek His guidance and protection. Our prayers increase as the light is replaced with darkness because nighttime can be very dangerous. Many use the darkness as a cover for activities that they would perhaps reconsider if their actions were visible to all. Darkness provides a cover that gives rise to an increase of crime, deviant behavior, sick impulses and foolish shenanigans. When we allow our children to sleepover at a “friends” house, we make them vulnerable and expose them to a myriad of such risks that are just NOT WORTH IT!

We simply cannot be so trusting in a world like this – not when it comes to our children. We do not know people as well as we think. Often, when we hear of a child being molested or raped it was by someone they knew, not a complete stranger. This is true for girls and boys. The perpetrators are often the ones we least expect because they portray themselves as upstanding, respectable members of the community.

There is already so much in this world that our children are exposed to, that as parents, we have little control over. To compensate for this, we teach and train our children about potential vices and then “debrief” them after they have been away from us. BUT deciding who keeps our children overnight is an area in which we have complete control. There is no benefit to making sleepovers a part of our regular family practice. It is just not necessary.

Back in the nineties, the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan told the Sisters in the Nation of Islam not to engage in sleepovers…He was speaking to adult women! If there is a risk present for adults, certainly the danger is far greater for our children. We must realize that everyone does not parent the way we do, because what is important to us may not be as important to others. Not only do we have to be wary of the supervising parents, but every other person that lives in the house as well. What about the other children coming to the sleepover? How well do we really know them and their families? What other relatives or friends of the family may be dropping by? And let’s be honest, how much real supervision can the adults provide in the wee hours of the night?

In his lecture, How to Give Birth to a God (Part 3), the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan warned, “Passion is good; but young people – restrain it. And if you can’t restrain it; mothers – fathers, keep watch. Your ever-present vigil will restrain the passion; because [it is] very difficult to get fired up with mom and dad looking. Mom and dad’s presence kills passion. Just a quick turn on of the light will turnout dark thought.”

When we accepted the responsibility to become parents, we accepted to take on a commitment that we do not get vacations from. Being physically present goes a long way towards the prevention of the unthinkable. On the surface, sleepovers appear harmless and fun; but just the fact that our children have to change clothes to get into their pajamas and then bathe away from home, should be enough to make us cringe. This is far too intimate an act to permit to take place just anywhere.

Unfortunately it’s parents, not children, who are the biggest promoters of sleepovers. They usually start hosting sleepovers when their children are very young – trying to help them make friends – and usually tying it to a birthday party. Sleepovers are foolishly seen as a rite of passage to some and give girls, in particular, an erroneous social status within a group. All of this could come with a steep price. The influence that our peers have on us at any age is formidable. For children, it is often difficult not to succumb. Sleepovers are breeding grounds for bad behavior. Curfews are extended or relinquished; mischievous pranks and games are played; television and social media rules are relaxed; sexual experimentation takes place; children have been hazed, sexually violated and worse. Yes, that’s the reality for far too many. And if you or your children were fortunate enough to escape any of these horrors, we thank Allah (God). But still, was anything gained by sleeping over at someone’s house just for “fun?”

While age-appropriate language should be used, we should definitely explain our concerns to our children. Knowing they are not permitted to attend sleepovers initially may not make them happy, but explaining the reason gives them an understanding that their safety and protection is the priority and we are not just being tyrants. Make this the family’s way of life and stick to it! Soon, as a parent we may not even hear about the sleepover because our children will inform their friends that they ‘don’t do sleepovers.’ This way, no one’s feelings are hurt because there is an understanding within their circle of friends that they cannot go to anyone’s house for a sleepover – it’s not personal. We cannot be afraid of being different in a world like this. Those of us who are striving to be righteous cannot simultaneously be seeking popularity and acceptance.

This world makes it difficult for parents to have a constant presence in the life of their children, but fight and be willing to sacrifice to be with them. There will certainly be the occasional emergency or time with grandparents and other very close relatives; but even in these instances we must use wisdom. There is a reason why Allah (God) chose YOU to be the parent for that child. Mother’s intuition is REAL – do not ignore a warning from God. Usually the first mind is your God-mind. The Holy Qur’an reads, “And say: Praise be to Allah! He will show you His signs so that you shall recognize them. And thy Lord is not heedless of what you do” (27:93).

Since we are all flawed individuals, we will inevitably make some parenting decisions which we will later bemoan. But saying, “NO,” to sleepovers is one of those decisions we will NEVER regret.

September 5, 2017